MIA

So I have been MIA for a few days. That is due to our trip to Curacao. J has been working every day that we have been here, and I haven't had any time to grab the internet connection, but today he went to a meeting with a lawyer and then off to the office....so here I am :)

It is quite beautiful. Every day has been around 80 degrees with some significant rain every day.....but how can I complain :)

We go home on Saturday, if I don't see you sooner.....see you Sunday!

oops

running journal: i ran 4 miles yesterday (thursday) ....today is a rest day :)

clarification

I reread my last post and am not sure that I was totally clear. I do not think I am fer.tile. I think it is ridiculous that some one could actually tell me that I am when I have 0 live births.....to be clear, I will be working on figuring out how to "fix" this problem. whatever that means.

As I am 15dpo today and BFN (only tested to get that out of the way) I am only 1 month off the official infert.ile definition, Yay! *i have been mostly successful keeping my natural sarcasm out of my blog, until now*

progress?

While reading one of my favorite blogs I came across her most recent post, and it spoke to me. It said, this is you....you are avoiding making some big call yourself, SO.....I called.

I now have an appointment with a fertility center for February 3. It was really quite simple actually. Of course, then they made me make another call. This one to my insurance company.....don't you love those. And there is good news and bad news, isn't there always with insurance?
Let's see, the good news:
1. they cover the testing and such for the recurrent losses we have suffered. Of course, we have already done some of that testing.
2. I am not "infertile" since we have been able to get pregnant 3x this year, but if we were, there is coverage in our plan.

the bad news:
1. I am not infertile, so they won't cover any conception assistance. so no clomid, iui etc....until we have been unable to get PG for 6 months.
2. at 39, every single month brings me closer to 40....and makes me statistically less likely to conceive on my own.
3. i am not sure what to hope for. if i hope for a BFP and then we MC.....we have to wait 6 more months for help. if we don't get our BFP in the next month, at least we will be considered infertile and insurance will cover it. (of course, the 3rd option is we get a sticky BFP, but I am not holding my breath)

BUT, I have made progress, I made those calls and we are moving forward.

Additionally, the last of the previous testing results came back and J's chromosome karotyping came back normal. so officiallly, there is no explanantion for our troubles conceiving. (well, the first MC has an explanation)

running journal: ran 3 miles today :) at least i have control of this.

a quick note

for my running journal: i ran 4 miles today :)

and I made some more decisions and actions today, that i am proud of.....but I must tell you tomorrow as it's getting late, and i must be up in the morning.

better snow/shore pictures

This first shot is the fog from january 17th, taken with my camera, so I think it is clearer than the shot with my iphone.

The next 2 shots are from this morning, wow it snowed a lot last night, and it is still snowing today :)

something else new on the shore

Saturday morning it was 3 degrees when I woke up. I looked out onto the ocean and saw this fog, quite pretty and so unexpected....I have seen fog on lakes, rivers, etc. but never the ocean, and never in winter. This photo is from my iphone I also used my camera and will download that soon.....it is even clearer.

running journal: Saturday I was tired so I ran/walked 3.5 miles. Today on Sunday it was a day of rest.

sad note: the eagles lost today, so football is officially over in Philadelphia :)

snow on the shore

So as with most of the country right now, especially everything east of the Rockies, it is FREEZING here. I don't like it when people yell in blogs or emails, but dang, it's cold! But along with the cold snap came some snow, which makes everything a little better. or so I like to imagine. So I took a few photos of the shore with its' covering of snow. Quite nice.

and for my running journal: ran 4 miles tonight (inside on the treadmill, what a wimp!)

yummy lunch

Today I met a friend for lunch in Philadelphia. My friend lives in NYC but is originally from the area, so sometimes comes down. If you are near Philadelphia and have never been to Di.nardos on Race St. you should go. Delicious blue claw crabs :)

We also really like a place in NJ called.....wait for it......blue claw crabs LOL, original huh?

I also love dungeness but not a huge fan of the king crab. Any way, it was a nice lunch.

For my running journal: I am super proud of myself as I got up at 7:00am so that I could drop J's clothes at the dry cleaners and still get my 3 mile run in before having to drive into Philadelphia....woo-hoo! still on target for training!

congratulations

two congratulations are in order:

K. my friend got her BFP yesterday! YAY!

V. my new friend, sent her application for grad school today! i am proud of you!

and for my journal:

ran 4 miles today, per the marathon training guidelines

and J is coming home one day early from his work trip......more on that in future blogs.

thank you to the jedi masters

testing something ophelia taught me :) thanks ophelia!

testing it the way danifred taught me :) thank you danifred!

You guys rock! and I am but a thankful pupil. I know who to contact when I need to learn something new quickly. Both of your methods were incredibly easy and "knock wood" they both work!

So, in other news:
- heard from the college. They received my application, resume, essay, and one of my recommendation letters already. All we are waiting on is the second recommendation letter. And fortunately, she called me last friday and told me she was mailing today, so it should be there soon. Oh, i am also having lunch with her wednesday (nice timing) so I can check to insure she mailed it.
-did 30 minutes on the bike at the gym, today is cross training day so that counts :) I officially started the marathon training program, so 16 weeks from yesterday I will be running 26.2 miles....barring any unseen occurrences.

J is away so I am a little lonely. He is in Texas for business until Thursday. This is the first trip since i quit working, so i have more time on my hands, but there is plenty to do, and after all....i did live alone for most of my 36 years before J. LOL. a little alone time is good. thinking a pedicure will be in order at some point this week.

how's that for a random post?

awards and addictions

YAY! So I have been given an award from Danifred at http://sippycupsarenotforstarbucks.blogspot.com/ (i have to figure out how to do those cool links that everyone does) and it is titled addictions, awards and mood swings. So Danifred :) here goes:

1. (hate to be a copy cat) Facebook, let's just say, since quiting my job, it has been a community that is so addicting. I too have a farm, (lots of crops and animals) (couldn't wait until i could afford the barn, etc) a Pet in pet society, created a group.....gotten many friends to sign on, can you tell....it could e a problem.

2. crime shows on tv....law and order, csi, the new bones, anything. J thinks i have a problem.

3. TTC, peeing on sticks, all of that....thankfully not temping.

4. running (at least one healthy vice)

5. peanut butter, i love it and have to have it almost every day.

So the final part of this is to nominate 5 others to carry this on. So I nominate
B at http://journeyoffaith-apathtomotherhood.blogspot.com/
wordgirl at http://bloodsigns.blogspot.com/
ophelia at http://opheliasrevival.blogspot.com/
cassie at http://cassiesbabyjourney.blogspot.com/

see you later :)

Progress

So, first for the progress. I went to the gym (brrrr it was 30 degrees outside too cold for me to run outside) and ran 5.2 miles....and ran at a faster pace than last time. Still slow in comparison to before but feeling better about it. and heart rate only went up to 140 so I feel responsible :)

Also, sent the application for the master's program. I also spoke to the two women who I asked for recommendations and they are complete and being sent next week....yay, another thing checked off.

Now, I wanted to share a great quote that I saw yesterday and it touched me.

"Faith sees the invisible, believes the incredible and receives the impossible."

decisions

So here I am posting as I said I would, and I have also come to a few decisions. The major one is that in addition to the baby journey that we hope to be on soon, I am going to chronicle 2 things: 1. my journey for my master's degree and 2. marathon training. I am going to work on getting myself back into shape. When I met J. I was in the best shape of my life. I was thin (honestly too thin) and running every day. oh, when I say too thin, never so thin that AF didn't show, so still healthy :) but even though he and I go to the gym and run together, we also eat together, eat too much together. So I have decided to chronicle my weight loss and my training for a marathon.

When we got the first BFP last year, we were training for a marathon. I was running up to 12 miles at a time, and feeling great. So back to training. We want to run the Long Branch marathon which is May 3, plenty of time.

Yesterday, I ran 5 miles, felt pretty good actually. I have been running about 20 miles per week so the 5 miles was not a huge stretch, I plan on running 5 days per week going forward :) I try and keep my heartrate around 150 or lower, which according to everything I have researched, healthy for a woman (even a pregnant one)

What else? Well, i have started my essay for the entrance to my master's program, I want to finish it by end of day so I can print and mail tomorrow. see being productive already!

2009

So we are now almost a week into the new year and I haven't posted a thing, every day it seems like I should, and then I think what do I have to say? nothing truly.

I am starting to feel a little morose, like why am I here trying for something that has been denied 3 times? Why me? others have babies, lots of babies, one woman has 18 and I can't have one? not that I would deny her, her happiness, but it seems so unfair. and then I remember, all of our paths are different. not one of us knows where our journey will bring us, but it is in us to find our peace and happiness with that we have.

so, with that, i know today i have to go to the gym, i can control my health and just lazing around all day is not going to prepare me for the marathon that J and I want to run in May....yes, the gym is the right choice. I also must finish my admission essay for my master's program. That is critical and it needs to be mailed tomorrow. That I can accomplish.

I will post every day, even if it is nothing more than a note as to what i am doing.....i can do this :)